I can’t be angry at my mom anymore. I can not continue to exist in a skewed perspective where she was expected to give me the love I craved and where she was expected to have the same morals and values I hold dear. Letting go of any hurt, anger, sadness or longingness is the only way to cut this cord.
Tearing up a contract. A long one.
I have a very vivid past life memory with my mother of this life. She was not my mother then in what feels like several hundreds of years ago. She was a woman of higher rank then I. Of nobility I guess. She seemed to wear it well according to her. Her vast expectations and underlined insecurities suited her pompous, arrogant energy then, just like it fits her narcissistic Mother role in this version of reality. I realize its important to point out that past lives are occurring simultaneously to our current perception of time. This says a lot about energy.
She came to me, then, to save her dying child. I had gifts that obviously were no secret..but they would also be my doom. A trauma I am still healing from. Unfortunately I could not save her child. Anything I could have done should have been done long before I got to see her child. I feel she was reluctant from the start to come and seek my counsel. Naturally, her mother’s grief was torturous, and she blamed me for her child passing. But this was more than just about her pain, this was more sinister, which confirms to me that we have played out this karma several more times, her and I.
She had me executed. Not burned, thankfully. Those ones are doozies. I remember her face, her eyes, dark. Her hair, like burnt orange. Fiery. She gazed with such satisfaction. she wanted to place all her pain on me and watch it die with me. I feel though, deep inside, she knew this wouldn’t work. So desperate to be rid of her pain. I now also understand the distaste she had for me the moment I was born in this life, in this reality. How awful for her. Here I am again. A light she detests. The fear she gets reflected back at her from me.
I remember well how I felt as I was ushered to my death. They had me walk right by her, I could almost smell her. I could hear her head, her thoughts, her fear. I felt.. like Jesus. Or how he’s described anyways. How he dies to take our burdens. To help us heal. I felt that if my execution gave her the peace that she needed, so it must be. I remember so vividly sending her love, gratitude, and forgiveness. I remember my heart bleeding for what I felt must be her pain from the loss of her child. But her pain is deeper rooted. I still hope she heals one day.
But this is where my contract ends. This is where I sign off on grounds of lessons learned and ascension occurring. I don’t even care to dive into our other past experiences. Her hurt is her hurt. her karma. If she was a warm and caring, loving mother this time around, I wouldn’t be leading the quest I am now. I wouldn’t have contracted the magickal children I have now and the ones I have coming. I, perhaps, knew how much she still ached and agreed to come and help her again, as her daughter. The one she didn’t want that my father apparently begged and persuaded her to keep. The one she couldn’t stand to look at when I arrived and who tried to utilize me as her perfect narc scapegoat.
Thank you, Mom. I love you. I send you healing and strength for the hard work you have ahead of you. I thank you for the contrast I needed for the lessons I had to remember. I’m on the flip side of the coin in my life now and all the hardships I went through are paying huge dividends. I learned so much from you as well as in spite of you. I see with so much more clarity now the path that you had to take to get to where we aligned. I can look and see now the wounds you hold to play the blessed role in our divine paths. I am filled with gratitude for the duality that requires us to hurt in order to love.
How amazing that we can create so many miracles from so much chaos. But I’m leaving the third-dimensional world for good and I may never see her again.. correction. I won’t see her again. We had a lot of work to do together, her and I, and we did a fine job. Thank you for being a part of the kindness I give to my kids, the love I fill their world with, and the magick I share with them. We existed in a reality of duality and the contrast I needed you were able to provide perfectly.
I hope my forgiveness helps you on your path. Ultimately though it is intended for mine. I’m grateful, I’m healed, I am loved.
Love, the one you remember as your daughter this time around.