Only days to go, and almost all my possessions are gone. That took only about a month..wow. That was fast. Looking back on some of my journaling, I can see when this shift started to bubble to the surface. I spent the better part of 2018 tying up loose ends. Preparing myself for 2019 – year 3. Creation, creativity, greater expansion, manifestation. I remember feeling liberated as I stood there in disbelief. After years of blood, sweat, tears, and growth, I finally had in my hands my Freedom. Safe and peaceful, I was holding sole custody papers with zero access requirements – for both of my kids. Talk about tying up loose ends.
I remember sitting there in awe, feeling unshackled, feeling tired. My heart was finally able to rest. I had taken back my power, taken back my reality, taken back my sanity, reclaimed the safety of all three of us. I was done. So… now what?? After nearly a decade of stripping off an old character, I had seamlessly slipped into my next role. I was Free! Continuing as Sole Provider and caretaker of two new earth souls. Sole care taker of myself. But I realized I was doing a damn fine job – whatever the expectation may have been ( though I don’t think there was one) I had surpassed it.
I am healthy, they are healthy, we are safe, we are free. So naturally I start to feel restless. Am I just so used to drama, chaos and survival that I am now looking for the next distraction? No, this was pushing me to remember. To dig deep into my timeline on this round and acknowledge what things bring me joy. This continues to be a lot of work, but exploration of my inner and outer worlds was definitely on the top of my list. My young asleep self and my present more conscious self really just long for simplicity, high frequency, authenticity and service. I enjoy Being. Expanding. Like a child – the inner child I lost so long ago has been dug out of 3 decades of rubbish and several generations of trauma and fear.
A cycle breaker through and through, I stood there at the beginning of this year, looking around at my freedom. Why am I staying here when there is so much to do? After living for a false character for so long, it was time to live in my Divinity. I have absolutely no ties to my physical location, nor do I have any passion for it.
So here I stand, in this little house I moved into almost 4 years ago. The little house I came to as a single mom of a 1st grader and pregnant with a second child. Alone, but determined to raise these kids myself. Safe, loved, prioritized. Now I look around and see my three and nine year old playing with their echos in the empty house we are about to depart from. Liberated, we are starting a new leg of our Adventures. No more drama, but a lot of creativity, ingenuity, compassion, cooperation and love!
I am excited about our future, grateful for our past and loving our present. Time to turn the page and start reading the next Part! I did it!!!!!