When you’ve already mourned the living.

I have all these visions of my avatar’s father lately.

He is alive and presumably doing well. I haven’t really had a conversation with him since 2012. The few times I’ve seen him since then he’s been brief and distant. I refused to communicate with my mom – his wife. I’m assuming that’s still the reason for his distance, but at this point t’s irrelevant. It’s all energy.

But my visions….. whether I’m awake or asleep I see him always waiting as if wanting to talk with me but hesitating. He is often at my front door. or on a bench down the street. It’s this shocking moment always of me going about my day and there he is. Sitting on the bench or on my front door stoop. Sometimes at the door, knocking to come in, sometimes just standing there, in his normal, quiet way.

There’s a lot of healing I have walked through since 2012. The person I was told I was is not who I live like today. I don’t think he knows this person. Then again, I don’t need him to get to know her. That all being said, in my visions, I see so much fear on him, so much sadness, so much guilt.

I am about to launch into a whole new chapter of my life, no doubt a lot of those emotions and healing affecting this event…but my visions are never to be taken lightly. Especially, someone, I recognize so clearly.

I send you Love, Dad, always. Sophia has fond memories of you, as do I. You weren’t meant to get to know Orion I suppose. This new adventure we are on has me thinking of you. Both you and mom actually. I learned a lot from both of you on this journey. Watching you as immigrants with two younger kids. Gathering memories, experiences and lessons with you on our adventures you took my brother and me on (and my sister, later). I am grateful for every part of my reality, everything is so magickal and divine.

It’s almost exciting to see how these visions will come through in this linear timeline. I, the observer, am aware of the magickal contracts I have with other souls. It is quite entertaining watching it all play out so beautifully. All for a greater purpose than any personal, fear-based perspective our avatars can ever have. I used to toil over human expectations and disappointments. Now I bathe in gratitude for all that was perceived as good, bad or ugly. I understand it’s divinity.

Thank you, Dad, for playing this massive role in my reality. The lessons will keep on coming for years, thank you for all the seeds you planted.

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