10:23 August 10, 2019
Journaling at the beach, on the laptop. Now there is a change in pace. I wanted to get some writing done, apparently, and Orion was not going to stop about wanting to go play at the beach. Less than a week left in this house, the house that’s steps away from the beach. So grateful, so blessed, so free!
I sometimes have to pinch myself, and other times I simply pat myself on the back. I did it!! I walked through the dark night of the soul, I removed the old character that was placed on me. I birthed my two kids, the yinyan lesson of a son and a daughter, I was left alone to be shown that this WAS my path. I was not alone, that was only a perception. I am far from alone. Always surrounded by allies, just witting to be of any assistance. They feel love, they are love, they show love. I was the one hiding from them and myself. I felt perhaps I was not who I was supposed to be, I realize now I am exactly who I am suppose to be. ME!
So many thoughts swirl in my head, releasing parents, old lovers, past friendships. Removing any fears, guilts, regrets. Letting go of any blame, shame and judgments. I am filed with light, with compassion, understanding…Love. I am that, Love. Cradled like a child by love. Radiating love like light from a candle. I am forgiveness, I am my lessons, I am what I was destined to do to see, to Be.
I let go of expectations. When they creep up I tell them that is linear and I have expanded my vision. The human in me requires practice. How better to stay present then to shift around my surroundings?! Give my ego a new toy to play with. It wants to serve, to protect, to protect, to analyze, to explore. So I give it a new environment, new people, new stimulations, new resources, new smells, new sounds, new sky, new earth, new energies. A plethora of distractions and all causing me to exist in the NOW. In awareness, with an open heart.
I Am Ready.
I am ready to be stimulated, I walk with a wide perspective. I am in tune with senses I had ignored for so long. Like a young child left to explore, safe, loved, supported. Free to INjoy. Kindness coursing through my veins. I want others to feel as loved as I do. I want to share with others what a magickal reality we can exist in. I want to share with everyone how Divine we are when we offer ourselves the love that we are constantly told can only be found outside of us. They don’t tell you to go in, just like they dont tell you that that the best way to Love everything outside of you too! The incredible all encompassing love starts from an internal flame.
The air is cool, its barely mid august. A hint of Canadian Autumn is here to remind us of how magickal and consistent the seasons changing are here in the northern hemisphere. I wonder how the south side feels. What little hints does nature offer to remind us of cycles. To show us that everything is always in motion and flowing. And with it.. I flow too. No longer will I resist with fears, doubts and expectations. Preparing for this international departure, I knew that flowing was critical, yet the ego mom in me still ‘tried’ to plan. The justification: Research and caregiver responsibility. What I got was confirmation that we are provided for and to Continue To Flow!
The finalized plans were not only vastly different from anything I was trying to ‘plan’, they were also spontaneous, serendipitous, and exactly what we needed actually. Based on everything up till now, this spontaneous direction was accurate for the now that no well planned idea would have been based on my level of awareness and experience ‘then’. This is why NOW decisions flow naturally and are perfectly fitting. They align with the NOW frequency.
So I flow. I flow in my day, I flow in my writing, I flow in my mentoring, I flow in my expansion. I flow. I have learned – understood – remembered so much and the more I awaken, the more I realize how little we know. And knowing is limited. Flowing is endless. No start, no finish. Just alignment and channelling of what is needed at that moment.
5 more days in Canada. For now. I have not travelled in a decade and I am excited for the empath in me to experience this. The awareness that I carry with me now is unmatched with anything in my old reality. My only fears are from my past. Anything with my new reality only brings me joy and excitement. This is me discovering me. Getting to know me. The me reflected in strangers that will feel like Family.
I Am Ready.
I love the freedom of writing in the park, Orion on the slide, racing his cars down his track. A few people scattered along the beach. Too cool to attract out of towners. My music on, coffee in my cup, laptop facing the water. Facing the Sun. That’s what I am most excite about I think. The Sun! I will be chasing the sun for the next few years I think. I will experience a different type of season change. One that is less stagnant. One that occurs inside and all around at the same time.
I am ready. I am ready to apply all that I have woken up to. I am ready to let the kids take the lead more. I am ready to prioritize me more. I am excited to individualize the three of us more all while connecting us even closer then ever before. I am excited for new friends and life long contracts. I am excited to revisit lessons with a graduates cap on and allow the duality of that to humble me through new lessons.
I Am Ready.