2020 has been an interesting year for everyone on many levels. For me it has been no different. Early in the year I received a strange email from my father. It was some forwarded link regarding Taurus and their characteristics.
It caught my eye first and foremost because after going No Contact with my mother about 5 years ago, my father has been MIA in my life also. So much so that the few times we all were in the same space at a relatives birthday, I would go out of my way to greet my father and he would go out of his way to ignore me as I was clearly avoiding his wife, my mother.
Okay, so..why the email? Was it accidental? I gracefully left it alone and let things be. Take it as a test to see after several years of active healing..how do I feel? Meh, quite neutral actually. Life goes on.
A few months later I get another strange email from my father, again, another forward. This time a you-tube video that I had some feelings over. After a few days of sitting on it, I decide to clear my frequency and contact him back.
I clearly let him know that if he accidentally emailed me these two links to please stop, and then I added my perspective on the topics. Briefly.
I clearly stated that if he meant to contact me, he is successful, and if it is to receive future emails like these, again, to please stop going forward.
Then I proceeded to tell him that if this was his way to poke me and make contact, a direct approach would serve a far more authentic purpose otherwise, once again, I was not interested.
So after several years and many imaginary conversations in my head, here I was chatting with my dad. Him in Greek, me in English, back and forth a few times. He was curious about my life having heard that I had flipped it all and had gone full nomadic with the kids.
Having being an immigrant parent himself and done his own share of brave things while having a family, he was clearly (dare i say) proud or at least semi-impressed with the amount of challenges I seemed to have put on myself as he sort of put it.
I tried to be as forthcoming as I could and explain that mindset alchemy and existing in an expanded and grateful existence didn’t feel like a burden with challenges, but rather aligned with who I truly am.
We exist in very different realities, him and I, vibrating on different frequencies. I doubt he could truly hear what I was conveying.
We left it at my clearly expressing a longing for childhood pictures of me if he would be so kind to oblige but also that I was not interested in firing up any sort of relationship with him (and my mother).
He sounded (and felt) as if he was quite perplexed when I said I am not interested in knowing how they are and didnt want constant updates. I did express openness and said feel free to email me should he ever feel the desire to. I would always respectfully and authentically engage to the extent of my desire too.
He assured me in time he will try to send me pictures and offered a few he had available on-hand. Out of about 8 pictures he sent me so far I am in 3 of them. The other 5 and 2 of my 3 pictures all featured my brother.
I exhaled and reflected on my emotions after we disengaged and I realized easily that I have already mourned the loss of my parents. Though they are both still alive and though I am still untangling trauma where they are concerned, my human need to feel loved as their child by these two people has been released. The core wound that holds them responsible has been addressed. I am simply now fine-tuning the details of my energy release.
I am not sure if I will ever receive any more pictures, and I am open to let the universe do its thing. I am feeling my human wanting to email my father these exact thoughts, this blog, and another one I had written in regards to my longing for these pictures (see below)… but what will that really do?
I couldn’t have been clearer with him and how I felt. If he is not in the frequency to understand me, I am not going to beat a dead horse. My written expressions such as this I post freely on my social media platforms, my family has clear access to it and my spidey senses tell me there is enough awareness from them.. from there, I can not direct their intention anymore. That would be my hurt and ego.
I continue my healing path as I have been for almost a decade now. I continue to clear frequencies that are not in alignment be it people, places, things, food, ideas and beliefs. I continue to remove the onion layers, one by one, and release trapped energy while healing core wounds.
I am grateful for this resent manifestation of this encounter with my dad. Sometimes no action is action. Sometimes words unspoken are heard loud and clear. Sometimes we just need to see what we see, feel what we feel, and continue on our path in our own perspective.
Here is the original reflection regarding the role these childhood pictures could play on my healing path…or perhaps they’re meant to stay away. : https://inspiringmyrevolution.com/2018/07/21/searching-for-pieces-of-me/